And the sex goes on.

I recently received a request for a blog post on how to do sensitive but cheeseless sex scenes! Which is right up my alley — well, that’s up for debate honestly since I’ve done far more noncon and dubcon but I HAVE had my fair share of CONSENSUAL writing escapades. So there.

Look, as a disclaimer, because people can get fairly butthurt when it comes to sex in media (which is a whole ‘nother blog post, believe me), I have to state that this is just one adorably talented and hilarious woman’s professional and licensed opinion. Write what you want, but don’t be mad when people don’t like it. Because you didn’t listen to me.

The best way I can sum this up is:

Necessity.

The sex has to work as a necessity to character growth and plot. This little nugget of wisdom is predicated on two things:

1. There’s actually a plot in your story.

2. You want the audience to feel the sex wasn’t just shoved in and that this was a natural progression.

One way to accomplish this is to have a plot where sex is a given. If the sexuality of the main character is in line with the plot, let’s say they’re approaching or enduring puberty or a kink discovery, then the audience will come in with an expectation so sex will be less jarring when it appears.

In terms of sensitivity, this also has to follow the line of the plot. The characters’ relationships grow with the chapters, and on a technical level, I personally make sure to dot notes in my workbook about furthering the relationship with dialogue, imagined scenes and actions every chapter so I don’t forget. Because I will if left to my own devices.

You can have consideration and sweetness in a sex scene without filling it with I love you’s or the dreaded phrase making love. A few things I’ve seen people do that really grinds my gears in order to make the relationship seem “sweet” is amp up the cringe factor by having excessive pauses in the action wherein the author spoon-feeds the audience the importance of this occasion. It doesn’t need to be said, it needs to be felt.

Something as simple as the characters talking throughout it and hearkening back to in-jokes or banter they are already aware of will do the trick. Minute details of the body a character notices will also let the reader in on the singularity of the moment, the importance as seen through the character’s eyes. And because you’re a conscientious writer, you already know what the consequences of The Sexing will be. Does this make the relationship better or worse? Or, preferably, both?

Plot points are all dominoes that trigger one another, and sex is no different. If you keep these simple hints in mind, you’ll be wetting panties in no time!

And if you’d like to request a new Hintlord writing post, you can do so on my new Contact page!